Dear Lilah,
A year ago today, I called the hospital to schedule my induction. To my surprise you were late. I thought for sure that because you were my fourth baby that you would arrive early, but much like your older siblings (and your dad), you were stubborn and staying put. It wasn’t my intention to rush you, I was just so eager to meet you. The last piece of the puzzle and the one who would make our family complete. Many of the other mamas who read this blog joked that they kept checking in on me, it was like I was April the giraffe they said. Google it someday when you’re older and you will laugh at the irony. Early on the morning of Tuesday, May 8th, your dad and I headed off to the hospital hopeful for a safe and smooth delivery. We had done this 3 times before and felt like seasoned pros, but I was still anxious. Still, most of the day felt pretty routine to me. Pretty uneventful. Your birth, however, was anything but uneventful. It was almost as if you came into the world screaming “I’m it! The final piece!” Your birth was so eventful that I actually looked at your dad and said “that’s it, I’m done! I’m not doing this again!”.
Once my adrenaline settled and I could finally catch my breath, all I could do was stare at you. I was in awe of your beautiful full head of dark hair, and your perfect little features. For me, there is truly no better feeling than holding a newborn baby, and you my dear, were Heaven on earth. You were an amazing sleeper those first few weeks, even through the chaos that you were brought home to. Your older brothers and sisters couldn’t get enough of you, and even though they screamed and played all around you, you snoozed right through it. I held you a lot while you slept. I wore you all the time because I wanted to keep you close. I knew I was probably setting myself up for trouble, but I also knew all too well that my days with an infant were numbered and I wanted to soak them in as much as a mom of four could.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that it feels like I blinked and this year flew right by. I don’t think a period of my life has ever passed so quickly. It has been amazing to watch you grow and to see your sweet personality develop, but they really weren’t kidding when they said babies don’t keep.
I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you. To watch you reach more milestones. To see your relationship with your siblings grow. To watch you become a toddler… I’ll try my best not to hold you back, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there is a part of me that will be clinging to these first months for a long time. You, Max, Ella, and Theo will always be my “babies”, but you are truly my last baby and that’s a hard pill to swallow.
As I rock you to sleep tonight, on the eve of your first birthday, I hope you know how much I love you and what a pleasure it is to be your mama. Happy first birthday sweet Lilah Grace. Thank you for completing us. Thank you for making my heart so full, even when I thought it wasn’t possible!
Love,
Mom
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